I have a new perspective on this question. It's a great question but sometimes it can be a hard question for the person on the receiving end.. you just never know.
Recently, I was at the dentist and a really nice person was cleaning my teeth and making small talk with me. I love talking about my kids but since Lily.. Some days are harde
r than others to answer questions.. Not so much the question: Do you have kids (for some people that would be, especially if they've had miscarriages, cannot get pregnant, lost only child, etc.).. For me, it's the question that comes next: How many? and then: How old are they?
Simple conversation that we all have.. all the time. So she asks me if I have kids, about Christmas shopping for the kids, girls/ boys, etc and I was able to skirt around my recent loss of sweet Lily.. Mainly to prevent me from crying badly and trying to not make the appointment sad & awkward.. I was able to skirt around it while answering her.. whew.. I did it.
Then while she flossed and cleaned my teeth I got to hear about her new baby boy.. what she was telling people he wanted for Christmas.. diapers. She was so nice.. I didn't know what to do.. I don't mind people talking about their babies because I love babies but in that situation.. It was hard.. It really was.
I'm still not good with this.. Her sweet baby was about 2-3 months old.. I almost asked his birthday but I couldn't... don't think I could handle it if he was within a month or so of Lily's birthday. So I just got very quiet and she probably thought.. "That's weird.. "
I wanted to tell her about my baby but people, especially strangers, don't know what to say to me when they hear. What do you say?? There is no good way to tell someone "I have 5 kids.. They are 17, 10, 7, 6, and my youngest is an angel"... Never goes well after that. You can typically hear a pin drop after that. So I just didn't say anything...
I go back next week for an adjustment on my mouth guard (the stress from Lily caused me to grind my teeth while I sleep & I cracked a filling during my pregnancy.. Things you never think about).. I'd love to tell her about Lily and why I got so quiet & awkward..
I am not saying that you shouldn't ask other people if they have kids, how many, ages, etc.. It is a natural question. I'm just telling you what may be going through the other persons head.. Last week I met someone who had 5 kids.. The conversation came to me & he said- how many.. then- what are their ages... So I ended with "I recently had a baby Lily who is an angel"... you could hear a cricket chirp. Everyone is so nice. I can never leave Lily out though., I do have 5 kids.. 4 on earth and 1 in heaven..
I just wish there was a response or a catchy comeback to take the awkwardness away.... but Lily is an angel, it is uncomfortable for others to hear but way worse to be the parent that lost the child.. something to think about. Maybe if someone tells you about a loss.. don't get quiet and stop talking.. some of us like to talk about out kids.. angels and all!! ♥
Simple conversation that we all have.. all the time. So she asks me if I have kids, about Christmas shopping for the kids, girls/ boys, etc and I was able to skirt around my recent loss of sweet Lily.. Mainly to prevent me from crying badly and trying to not make the appointment sad & awkward.. I was able to skirt around it while answering her.. whew.. I did it.
Then while she flossed and cleaned my teeth I got to hear about her new baby boy.. what she was telling people he wanted for Christmas.. diapers. She was so nice.. I didn't know what to do.. I don't mind people talking about their babies because I love babies but in that situation.. It was hard.. It really was.
I'm still not good with this.. Her sweet baby was about 2-3 months old.. I almost asked his birthday but I couldn't... don't think I could handle it if he was within a month or so of Lily's birthday. So I just got very quiet and she probably thought.. "That's weird.. "
I wanted to tell her about my baby but people, especially strangers, don't know what to say to me when they hear. What do you say?? There is no good way to tell someone "I have 5 kids.. They are 17, 10, 7, 6, and my youngest is an angel"... Never goes well after that. You can typically hear a pin drop after that. So I just didn't say anything...
I go back next week for an adjustment on my mouth guard (the stress from Lily caused me to grind my teeth while I sleep & I cracked a filling during my pregnancy.. Things you never think about).. I'd love to tell her about Lily and why I got so quiet & awkward..
I am not saying that you shouldn't ask other people if they have kids, how many, ages, etc.. It is a natural question. I'm just telling you what may be going through the other persons head.. Last week I met someone who had 5 kids.. The conversation came to me & he said- how many.. then- what are their ages... So I ended with "I recently had a baby Lily who is an angel"... you could hear a cricket chirp. Everyone is so nice. I can never leave Lily out though., I do have 5 kids.. 4 on earth and 1 in heaven..
I just wish there was a response or a catchy comeback to take the awkwardness away.... but Lily is an angel, it is uncomfortable for others to hear but way worse to be the parent that lost the child.. something to think about. Maybe if someone tells you about a loss.. don't get quiet and stop talking.. some of us like to talk about out kids.. angels and all!! ♥
**Big discussion took place on Facebook on this topic.. look for this post on December 10, 2012 on Lily's Facebook page: Never Forget Lily Grace to see all of the discussion.. great talk.. **
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