Lily.. you left me 4 months ago today :(

I just can't believe Lily has been gone for 4 months (Lily became an angel at exactly 3:30 pm.. 4 months ago on August 29, 2012).. she should be here to see her first snow- even if through the window.. she should have heard all about her brother Ethan's first basketball game from tonight- because of her heart condition she probably wouldn't have gone to the cold gym- she should be meeting her new cousin Lyla that will be born any day (due January 20th) and her other cousins should still be able to see her when they visit... she should have just celebrated her first Christmas with us.. I should have been able to buy her a gift that she would really get.. Not a gift for her memorial cabinet or even her burial spot.. Not memorial ornaments.. regular ornaments that people get for their living babies.. ❤

Today on Lily's 4 month angelversary.. I would like to share what may have been Lily's first Christmas dress..

When I knew Lily was going to become an angel, I started to panic because she didn't have anything to wear and there was NO way I could go looking in the baby departments for that.. NO way! Thank goodness for family that bought several options so I could pick like I went shipping myself.

I posted a picture of the beautiful white outfit she was buried in and I couldn't part with this dress.. you see this was my other favorite outfit for Lily and I kept it because I thought this looked like it could be her first Christmas dress.. so I kept it and it hangs near her white memorial cabinet..

She has now been gone 4 months.. Christmas has passed and she was not here to wear it.. she will never wear it.. My sweet baby is gone.. and she is never coming back to me here on earth.. that's a pretty hard thing to deal with.. Miss you baby girl!! I love and miss you so much Lillian Grace Hartlage "Lily"... we all do ❤


Another picture that I shared on her Facebook page today: 

This picture is just so beautiful for any grieving parent... look at that angel.. this picture speaks volumes!!