Tuesday, November 20, 2012

3 part update.. last night/ coat & toy drive/ made someone feel bad :(

Hello everyone. A few things: 

1. So.. yeah.. hard night last night. For those that read my "update on Autopsy post" and especially the comment under that post.. thanks for reading. Thank you for your support. I almost said sorry but I'm not because I couldn't help it. It really was a hard night. I know that she is in a better place, she is in the arms of God, she is watching over me.. etc but.. I just want her back so bad that sometimes those things don't help to ease my pain and sadness. Thanks for the support. :)

2. The Coat & Toy drive has officially started this week. Thank you to Jackie (my dear sweet Jackie) for making the first coat donation and to Ellen (sweet Ellen) for making the first toy donation - my healthcare work buddies for making the first donations to our Remembrance drive. I am just sorry that I didn't have the memory mat ready to sign when you all stopped by today. It is ready now though and I have attached a picture. I bought a 16x20 frame with a signature mat that holds an 8x10 picture. I put the coat/ toy drive flyer that I made with the mat (altered to fit), added an "I'll remember you" poem, and "every day I love you" sticker. I put the mat on a table top easel in our lobby so when someone makes a donation they can sign the name of their loved one that has passed. I made this drive so you can donate in memory of your loved one. I hope to see this mat filled up with names. :)

3. Lastly.. After I had Lily my son Ethan became friends with some more great kids in the neighborhood. The kids are off school for Thanksgiving now so he is staying the night with one of his newer friends. He is sooo excited. His friends Mom (super sweet Mom) came in and we talked about Ethan staying the night. I introduced her to all the kids and then she said that Ethan told her we had a baby. So she asked about our baby. I just froze.. I stopped and stared at Sarah (like help..). It's like I didn't know what to say. I just feel so bad because that made her feel bad. It made her feel bad for asking. I froze and then I muttered the words.. yes.. she passed away. I had to freeze like that though because I felt an instant rush of wanting to break out in tears and I was trying to contain myself (because I didn't want her to feel bad). So then after a breather I was able to talk about Lily and I brought in a picture of Lily so she could see our angel. So Ethan told her that we had a baby but never told her that she was sick or that she passed away. I felt so bad for his Mom. She said that she felt stupid for asking and bad for asking.. I just wish that I could look at someone when that happens unexpectantly and say "yes we had a baby named Lily who was very sick and sadly, she passed away. Thank you for asking." Instead.. I just freeze for a moment or cry and make people feel bad for asking. I just hate that.. She was so sweet to ask about our baby and I don't want people to stop asking... I'm just not there yet..

So that's my 3 part update.. have a good night everyone. :)


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