Lily's Funeral

On Tuesday, September 4th Ricky and I had to bury our sweet and beautiful Lily Grace.  I can't even describe the emotions that I had for that day.  It was something that I hope no parent ever has to go through.  It was definitely one of the saddest days of my life.  On August 29th we had to turn the machines off that were keeping her alive and that was just so heart breaking.  Then I got to hold her (which I never could do so I held her for a very long time) and then I had to say goodbye while handing her to someone and walking away.  That was the most gut wrenching thing that I ever had to do.  I never wanted to leave her.  Then on September 4th I got to see her again but I had to say goodbye again.. I had to let someone take her from me again.. It was the last time that I could kiss her, touch her, and look at her physical body.  It just broke my heart.  My heart is shattered but I am held together because I have other children that need me.  I love all of my children and I somehow must continue because all of my children need me.

The only thing that made such a horrible day an ounce better was the love and support that we received.  We had so many people come to visitation, send flowers, send cards of sympathy, and our family was showered with love.  Our Lily was showered with so much love.  To hear that she touched so many lives even when they never met her was so moving.  She forever touched my life, our families, and definitely her brothers and sisters.

I think about her all of the time and I hold her toy sea horse and blanket close to give me comfort.  I was able to give Lily a bath, put lotion on her, and get her dressed after she passed away on 8/29/12.  Her funeral director, who happened to have my same name-Amy, was so kind and let me put lotion on Lily when I said my final goodbyes at the funeral.  Little things can never be taken for granted.  The simple act of putting lotion on my daughter again meant the world to me.  Lily's lotion is the Johnson & Johnson's Baby Bedtime Lotion.  Whenever I smell that or see that lotion I think of Lily.  I can smell Lily whenever I want and I am so glad that I can do that because it still connects me to her.. when her physical body was still here with me when I could love her, hold her hand, sing to her, touch her, and just see her.. just see her..

So many things make me think of Lily.. lady bugs, butterflies, Lily flowers, other babies, anything baby related, hair bows, music... so many things remind me of Lily and I will always be reminded of Lily.. she will never be far from my mind or heart.  I will try to put each shattered piece of my heart back together and it will take time... It will never truly be healed.. I now have a broken heart like Lily's and I just need to get it mended like all of the medical staff at Kosair tried to do for Lily.  I will need help coping with this loss and so will my children and family.  She did touch many lives which is why this is so hard.  She had beautiful eyes that you could look at forever, sweet hands that you could hold forever, and a beautiful face that you could kiss forever..

You will be forever loved and missed sweet Lily Grace!!  Beautiful Lily Grace!!

A Memorial Fund was set up in honor of our sweet Lily Grace, please visit Lily's Memorial Fund link below and share with anyone you want:

http://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser_details?fundraiser_id=8987&url=babylilygracememorialfund#.UEn37ME_BdM.blogger

***Special thanks to Schoppenhorst, Underwood, and Brooks Funeral Home (especially the Funeral Director Amy) for all of their help***

New Addition:  My step-cousin Elizabeth put this on Facebook after Lily's funeral:
Today as I listened to Jeremy Elzy say wonderful things about his infant niece Lily I noticed that every time he mentioned God the sun would shine brightly through the window of her casket on her beautiful face. She looked like a little baby doll and it was so hard to watch Amy in such a time of grief. I am in no way a poet but this just came to me and I wanted to share it with you Amy:

As the sun shines down on her sweet little face

We mourn the loss of baby Lillian Grace.

Gone so soon we can't comprehend
Why the Lord for this angel did so quickly send.

Here on this earth for eighteen short days,
Questions of Faith she did surely raise.

"Don't worry Mommy. God has a plan"
She is certainly saying as she takes hold of His hand.

Could be today, tomorrow, or sometime next year.
Keep your eyes and ears open - you'll see and you'll hear

The reason she's now in her final resting place.
Your sweet little angel named Lillian Grace.